“Lower your shields and prepare to be assimilated.”
“Do these guys do customer service work?” Helvetica asked.
She thumbed through the various options on the captain’s console. Photon torpedoes: check. Phasers: check. No mute button.
“Ssshould we ssshoot them?” hissed Ensign Boots. “I would very much like to return fire.”
His reptilian claws clattered on the controls—the sleek panels were nice looking but ill-suited for his cold-blooded physiology. Helvetica couldn’t say she disagreed with him, she opened her mouth to give the order, but the ship’s computer interrupted her.
Enemy facing shield has failed, the on board computer reported.
“Now would be a good time for a torpedo,” the game piped up afterwards. It paused a moment when Helvetica glanced upwards with eyebrow raised and then continued sheepishly, “Would you believe I voice tutorial and tool tips?”
Helvetica’s finger hovered over the “fire volley” button but an emotion passed over her. She deactivated the captain’s reticle and leaned forward in her chair.
“What’s wrong?” the computer asked. “You just turned off the targeting computer.”
Helvetica rose from her chair, grabbed all the guns she’d confiscated from the drones in the corridors and started towards the turbolift.
“You know what,” she said as she tossed one of the rifles to Ensign Rocky. The cat-woman caught the weapon, but nearly fumbled it trying to bring it to bear. She grinned at her captain sheepishly as she got the rifle under control and fell in behind her.
Ensign Boots quit his station, produced his pistol and wicked sword—and flashed a smile containing too many teeth at Helvetica as she passed. He fell in behind her and let out a low, pleased hiss as he flipped through the pistol’s lethality settings.
Helvetica shrugged. “The Borg boarded us,” she said. “We should return the favor. Turbolift! Destination… Transporter room!”
Totally ignoring the conversation, the Collective continued to speak from the screen. After talking through a rewards program, the Borg went for the hard sell:
“Time to accept this offer is measured in your ‘seconds’ unit of time, agree now and get exclusive paint options for your external Borg implants.”
Helvetica entered the turbolift with Boots and Rocky-Road, she turned to face the screen and cocked her new polaron blast-assault.
“Thank you for your courtesy, Borg vessel. I counter-offer: Surrender now and I won’t turn your ship into a gift shop,” Helvetica said just before the turbolift doors closed.
“Preparations for your assimilation are underway. Thank you for your cooperation,” the Collective said to the empty bridge.
The author Helvetica writes the Helvetica Voyage, Helvetica Venture, and Hellvetica Chronicles for Vox Ex Machina and proudly supports the works of Kyt Dotson, whose writing includes Mill Avenue Vexations (a gothic webserial featuring cab driver Vex Harrow), Black Hat Magick, and Helljammer and invites you to check out the novel, The Specter in the Spectacles by Kyt Dotson.
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